Growing Up On Campus

I'm (seriously) considering going back to graduate school. This move would be significant for our family for a couple of reasons. First it would mean moving in the next 1-2 years and then again after 4 years or so unless we can find a city where I can go to grad school and then get a job, too.

Second, my children's lives would be very different. Right now I essentially work around their schedules. When things happen, like our babysitting now coming in yesterday, we work around it. I worked into the night, and it was no problem. As an academic, I won't have that kind of flexibility. I'll have to figure out other ways to deal with snow and sick days and those random "teacher planning" days all schools seem to have. Brian and I will have to alternate those days, but more than likely the kids will end up spending time with me on campus.

I'm not sure what it means to grow up on a college campus. It would seem that it somehow skews your view of college. Does it romanticize college to the point that it's no big deal? Does it take something from the experience? Does it give you the impression that *everyone* has an advanced degree? What kind of privilege does it bestow?

Despite the questions, this is something I want to do for my personal fulfillment. I need to go back to graduate school. I need to breathe in the aroma of academia. It's where I belong.

The Chocolate Man...or Why I Have to Move

We got a Wii last week. Jayden was watching Brian play the tennis game on it, and he started talking about "that chocolate man." One of the Miis, Wii characters, is black.

I know that may seem cute to some people, but Brian and I were floored. Really. I couldn't believe my son would say that. He didn't mean anything racist by it; he's 4. When Brian and I talked about it later, I realized my son's never met anyone who's black. That realization hit me pretty hard.

A number of Brian's co-workers are Mexican or Indian. There is one African American man who works with Brian, but he's on a different floor. I don't think the kids have met him. There certainly are no black children at his preschool. The only non-white child is an Indian girl who's adopted by white people. Everyone else is Mayflower white.

We've talked about there being little diversity here, but I don't think it ever really sank in the way it did yesterday. When Brian and I met in college, he told me that he didn't meet anyone who was black until he was 16. I really didn't understand how that was possible, but then today I thought that I'm setting my children up for the same situation. I really don't want to do that.

Brian and I revisited moving last night, and Brian said that in his heart, he really wants to move. He doesn't want to be stuck here. And now after that conversation I'm thinking that's a great idea.

Conservative Christians are idiots, and today I was reminded of that. PETA had a public presentation in which they argued that because people who don't eat meat have more problems with impotence, vegetarianism is the way to go for Valentine's Day. They did this in El Paso, Texas.

The comments of people who are proclaiming God's message on this story is astounding. "What if my children see?" Oh, the horror. Your children could see what? That there are women who kiss each other? Jesus, I hope they don't go to college. The chance that these women actually are lesbians is pretty slim. They're more likely just two girls who've been pushed to make out in public - kind of like drunk kissing to get the attention of a boy. It's a publicity stunt plain and simple, and these kooks are concerned that their children may see same-sex couples kissing.

Conservative Christians miss the point entirely. They're so hyped-up over the sexuality that they don't understand they're giving PETA the attention they're craving. And God knows, they'd never understand that convervative Christians and PETA both are from the same ilk and that they exploit women in the same way.

The Obama Generation

Last night Jayden found a bookmark with an eagle and a flag on it. He said, "look, it's an Obama bookmark" because of the flag. Kate, who's 2, said, "yeah, Bama."

*dies with happiness*

I don't believe Obama is the second coming of Christ or anything. I'm far too left-wing to believe that, but damned if he doesn't make a good start. After suffering through 8 years of GW, it's exciting. I realize my children will grow up - at least for a few years - believing that 1) Obama is the kind of President we should have and that 2) they can be proud of the person occupying the White House.

Signed Jayden Up for Soccer

I went today and signed Jayden up for soccer. I had to answer questions about our last name, of course. I'm still getting used to that. When I got married, for some bizarre reason that I try to explain on my feminist blog, I changed my last name to Rhoades, which is Brian's last name. Last November, I changed my name back to Brown.

We still have to change the children's names officially to Rhoades-Brown from just Rhoades. I decided to put Rhoades-Brown down as Jayden's last name for the soccer team, just to make it easier for when we make the final (legal) transition. So, then I have to answer questions about what name to put us under. Are Jayden's parents married? Yep. But you have different last names? Yep. What do we do for your family name? Don't care. You can go with Rhoades-Brown.

Truthfully I don't mind the questions because I hope it can challenge some people's opinions about marriage and naming and all of those reasons for making the change in the first place.

What I still struggle with is that Brian and I have different last names. I'd prefer that we all had "Rhoades-Brown" for our last names, but we don't. Brian didn't want to change his last name. He wanted to go for a more "subversive" plan of looking like the enemy and then changing them from within.

I disagree with this political philosophy, but it's a small difference overall. So I honor his feelings on it, and we continue with different last names.

Back to Jayden's soccer sign-up...I suppose I'm now officially a soccer mom. I can't wait until practice starts.

My Parenting Manifesto

I filled out Jayden's forms to play soccer today. His season will begin in early March in the U6 mixed-gender league. He's excited, though he doesn't quite understand that he's going to be going somewhere to be on a team. We have soccer nets in the backyard, and he's under the mistaken impression that hordes of children will be coming over to play soccer with him. Though Brian's made a solemn vow not to volunteer to coach, I know if there's a shortage of coaches - which is likely - he will. Brian played soccer from 3-18 and then worked as a ref for a bit. He loves the sport.

When I was working on the forms, something about it felt normal, but also surreal. Am I a soccer mom? My hair is dyed ferocious blue. I blog about radical feminism. Bedtime stories in my house have included biographies of political leaders. I'm not your typical soccer mom. I'm not that soccer mom.

Since my hair's been blue, I've overheard quite a few comments from those mini-van driving, capri-pant wearing Mamas. I don't resent them for who they are, but many of them sure resent me. I know I'll never fit in with them, but I wish for one conversation, they'd drop the judgment and let me tell them what I believe about parenting.

When Brian and I decided to have children, we had to confront what we thought the most important lessons we could impart were, and for us that meant asking what kind of adults we'd like to see. For us the guiding question of parenting is "who do we want to see as adults?"

We have a few answers, simple to write but much more difficult to create. Here, in short, is our parenting manifesto.

1. No bias, social pressure, or convention should keep you from exploring anything and everything of interest to you.

2. Righting social wrongs, speaking up for the oppressed, and generally making the world better are responsibilities we all share.

3. The path of least resistance usually isn't worth taking.

4. Every problem has a solution. Your job is to find it.

5. Fight the good fight, even if you're fighting alone.

6. Most people prefer the status quo because it's easy. Uncomfortable actions lead to social change.